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Book review: <i>The Hot Ladies Murder Club</i> by Ann Major

Picture this: women in their thirties who are meant to be classy but like to be called “hot lady” by bikers; ex supermodel being stalked by sexually deviant knighted charity fiend; floppy haired lawyer with a yacht and a hard exterior hiding a broken heart; and some murderous intentions played out in about four seconds to wrap it up when the author got bored. But that’s not all. Ever wondered what kind of undies your heroine wears, and been dissatisfied when other books just don’t provide this vital info? Look no further, and check out just a few of these little gems:

“Removing her gold earrings, she punched the button on the machine to retrieve her phone messages. Then she stripped down to her leopard print uplift bra and matching leopard print thong panties.”

“Her dress was so damp, it clung. Was that a leopard print uplift bra she was wearing underneath it?”

“‘Tuesday’ Hannah whispered, stepping into a pair of bikini, zebra print panties.”

The content

I can’t begin to describe the sheer horror of this appalling pile of pestilent tripe, other than to say that I sincerely hope that it was a super big joke and that Ms Major decided that she would take on a personal challenge to see how bad a book she could write and still get the publishers to publish it and the idiots who comprise the general reading population to read it.

“Oh my!” I can imagine Ms Major saying. “Yesterday I fell over and concussed myself on the coffee table, and, in my fragile state, I spewed out a novel with the most unbelievable set of characters imaginable, put them in a completely unrealistic situation, made them talk to each other in stilted and ridiculous conversations, dwelt unnecessarily on the sex scenes and then solved the incidental murder in one line with a stupid half-arsed twist. And then, when I woke up, I found out that some vindictive bastard had, instead of burning the manuscript, sent it to the publisher. Oh well. Let’s see how it goes.”

Who is this book for?

People who are in Central America with limited reading materials. People who will read anything. And I mean anything. People with money and time and self respect to burn, who are happy to say “and I wasted two hours of my life on that book which I will never get back.”

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In short

Title: The Hot Ladies Murder Club
Author: Ann Major
Publisher: Mira
ISBN: 155166741
Year published: 2003
Pages: 376
Review Type: