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Senorita Granada Gay 2007

Disappointingly enough, I have no photos to accompany this entry. While it was a dynamite photo-op, I would have felt a bit invasive jumping around with my camera at the time, so it remained in my bag. However, while a picture is worth a thousand words, there is no way a picture could do justice to the way the evening ensued. So attached is an irrelevant photo of the bird’s nest, complete with bird, in a tree in our back garden. Allow me to set the scene...

Senorita Granada Gay was being held at Caesar’s discotheque, which apparently has a reputation... whatever that means?! So we hopped in a cab and off we went to the lake front, where all the discos are situated in a row. We paid our C$50 (less than AUD$3) to get in, and claimed a table a little distance from the crowded, raised dance floor. There was a DJ there who obviously thought he was the cutting edge in mixing technology, and he was murdering Madonna and a variety of other popular musical artists (yes I mean that figuratively). The dancers were quite fabulous... What?—was everyone here BORN knowing how to salsa? Everybody was up there, with facial expressions saying “Yeah, I’m having a good time, and this is a natural to me as breathing you know”. There was this fabulous little guy dancing with his girlfriend, and he was wearing his hair slicked down, a pair of white shorts, white knee-high socks, and patent black leather shoes. But he was such a good dancer I forgave his fashion transgressions.

Behind the dance floor was a small runway, a stage, and wall with a doorway. Around the doorway was erected a massive foam or papier-mach'e castle made to look like the Disney castle, with red fabric covering the door. There was a ten foot tall painting of Snow White on one side of the castle, and a ten foot Cinderella on the other. It took a while for the actual competition to get underway... there were lots of impossibly tall and thin women with five o’clock shadows racing from behind the stage and back again.

Eventually the show got started, and was co-introduced, at various times by: the mirror out of Snow White, the Evil Queen from Snow White, a tall and beautiful man in a green dress called “Naomi Campbell”, and a short and fairly average looking man (there’s always one, isn’t there?). The theme of this particular pageant was “Walt Disney” and each of the contestants had to lip sync to a song from a Disney movie, lip sync to a song of their choice, announce what they would like to do if they won Miss Granada Gay 2007, and dance in a swimsuit.

We watched the lip syncing to Spanish renditions of The Little Mermaid, Jasmine from Aladdin, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White (the privilege of playing this part went to last year’s winner), and a couple of others. Jasmine (wearing next to nothing) and Cinderella (lots of friends in the audience) made particularly big impressions. But my favourite part of the evening was definitely the “lip synching to the song of your choice” part, which seemed to also incorporate a talent quest.

Keep in mind I didn’t know any of the songs, but they all seemed to be immensely popular Spanish ballads. The first girl out was dressed as a bride, but the song was obviously about someone who gets left standing at the altar, because next thing I knew she was ripping off her veil and her dress and stumbling around, beating her breast and hacking at her wig with a pair of scissors. Then she threw herself on the floor and turned on the wedding dress with the scissors. There was a bit more breast beating. It was interesting, but seven minutes might have been a teensy bit over the top especially what with having to play the song twice. Wedding Dress was followed by a girl in a massive wig (sadly too high on her head) and a black cocktail dress, and her props... a table and two huge bottles that once contained Flor de Cana. The song commenced, and oddly enough it involved a lot of dramatically throwing herself all over the table and dramatically taking swigs out of the bottles, and a bit of dramatic prowling round the table dramatically tearing at her hair. Very... dramatic... and, again, a teensy bit over the top. And then there was the Little Mermaid’s number—she came out in a g-string bikini and lip synced while turning inexpert cartwheels in stilettos and spending a lot of time on the ground. At least she wasn’t beating at her breast...

Sadly, there was no repeat performance of last year (apparently one of the judges (who shall remain nameless but if you ever read this: you know who you are) “accidentally” handed the bouquet to the SECOND runner up instead of the FIRST, and a huge scene ensued involving tears, slapping, recriminations, storming off...) but, never the less, it was immensely enjoyable. It is apparently also very empowering and an excellent experience for the gay community in a very Catholic country, where many of the boys’ parents are unaware of their sexuality. So, if any of you find yourselves in Nicaragua at this particular time of year, I thoroughly recommend the experience!

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Ross will be entering next years pageant. He's using this time in thailand to bond with the ladyboys and gain enough lip synching experience to make it into the top ten for sure. You should see the "pageants" we've seen on patpong road. Fascinating...

Good for you little Rosco... I'm really looking forward to you shaking things up with the ping-pong balls and the razor blades and the whatnot. As for the pageants on Patpong rd... we're in Catholic country, senorita granada gay is as close as we're gonna get! :-)